Current Portfolio

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

It is possible

I will start from the beginning and try not to get into too much boring detail. The point of this post, is to reassure you that there is hope and it is possible.
It was the summer of 2000. I had just lost my job cocktailing/bar tending at a local bar. I was out typical nightly routine. That was when I saw "Him." And no, I am not talking about the religious figure. Names are not important here.

Within about a month of dating "him", I had met his mother and was planning on moving in with him. Things of coarse were great. We would go out, talk, laugh. It was great. His job was not 365 days a year and down time was coming up. He decided to move us back his parents house with read that right. We were to be moving in with his parents. In all of this, I learn that his ex girlfriend is pregnant with his kid. (that should have been the first warning).
I had many run ins with her throughout the relationship. It was a violent roller coaster.
While living with his parents, I experienced a CRAZY fight. He beat the hell out of his brother-knocking him out. His parents got involved and that was a nightmare as well. (this should have been the flashing neon sign RUN) We then moved into our own house.
His family and I had disagreeing times and was called some not so nice things(again, another warning sign ignored)
At about 6 months into the relationship, he said, "if you wanna get married. plan it all and we will get married." I was in LOVE so of coarse I started planning.
We married towards the end of Sept. Just 2 weeks after 9/11. The day of our wedding I fell sick. During the ceremony it was hard to talk because my throat hurt so bad and I was asleep not even half way into our reception.
From there, it turned into a horrible nightmare. I was told how worthless and fat I was. It was hard to get a job because he would make things so difficult. I finally did find a job I liked at a pet fish store. He made his daily appearances to intimidate everyone.
I am not sure how long after our vows, but one day we were driving home from work. I was driving. We were discussing my need to go to the Doctor. Now ladies, you all know the importance of going to our yearly exam. I was trying to explain this to him and he wasn't having it. It turned into a huge fight ending in him punching me in the face. Now mind you, I was driving. I tried to turn to go to his parent's house but he grabbed the steering wheel.  For days, my face was swollen and discolored. You better believe I told anyone who asked exactly what happened. That didn't go over well.
I am gonna skip through details over the next couple of years. It was basically full of many more fights, arguments, abuse..both mental and physical. I just kept telling myself, "you said for better or for worse" "you made the marriage commitment."
Now, during the relationship, the ex girlfriend had given birth and her and I had a bit of a truce and I helped care for the baby. We had the little boy quite often. (I miss him...he was 2 1/2 when I left) Unfortunately, he was exposed to his "daddy's" anger...The final straw for me was, during a horrid fight of yelling hitting..the lil boy came running into the bedroom yelling "DADDY! STOP HITTING MY MOMMY!" At that moment, I knew I had to get out.
While working for the fish store, I fell and hurt my back badly. Therapy etc. In the end I was due a settlement. One I would have to hide the details to as best as possible. But where was I supposed to go and how was I to leave? There was no way he was gonna let me leave.
The last fight was the by far the worse. He had been out drinking which never helps things. He came home a nasty drunk. It of coarse ended with a physical fight where i was punched in the face, slammed into the kitchen counter and kicked in the ribs. Thank God that the little boy was with his mom that night. He proceeded to tell me how and why he was gonna stab me. And that I deserved it. From that moment on, I strategically planned my getaway.
He was working on another Island and I fled. Left alot behind. But with the help of some very valuable friends, I left with my life.
Now you are probably asking, "Why didn't you call the cops?" Well, I did. I was told that IF THE RESPONDING OFFICERS FELT HE NEEDED TO BE ARRESTED, THEY WOULD. I COULD FILE A RESTRAINING ORDER THAT I COULD SHOW HIM IF HE GOT OUT AND PRAY THAT THEY RESPONDED BEFORE HE KILLED ME. You have to understand that domestic violence in that area is very common and often ignored.
For those who don't have the advantage of money to help you out the nearest women's shelter. I should have done that instead of waiting for so long.
I am now remarried and grateful for the events that happened. I would not be where I am today nor would I be who I am today, if I hadn't of gone through such a trying time. I thank "Him" everyday for giving me such a wonderful life.

I have 2 gorgeous lil girls and the BEST man by my side.
I call her my little miracle. I went through a drunken alcoholic faze after I fled. I found out I was pregnant with her and quit drinking immediately. She saved me!

We found out I was pregnant with her a couple months after my heart surgery. My reminder that I am now healthy LOL
Please..if you or someone you know is going through the abuse..get out or help them get out. You are worth it to be happy.  No one deserves that kind of life and there is BETTER out there.
I plan to get involved with a shelter to help those in need. I want to donate the clothes and toys from me and my  kids to the shelter for those who left it all behind.


  1. I was getting chicken skin while reading this. I can't believe you had to suffer through this horrific ordeal. You would never guess that you've been through such a thing. And while we know that you made it through the storm smiling. We also know where he is too, drowning in a pile of his own self-made misery.

  2. You are remarkable. Your daughters are going to grow up so wonderfully since they have such a courageous mother. Thank you for sharing, your story will help others. <3

  3. Thanks you for telling your story and spreading the word to help shed the light on abuse. You have a very wonderful family by the way, love the pictues!